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[the Swing editors feel compelled to admit ellen did not write this speech. ellen is off touring the world. maybe she's off this world? we wouldn't know. we know nothing. but we knew there had to be a speech. and we feel that nobody, ellen included, captures ellen as well as we do. hey, maybe we ARE ellen. maybe we're all ellen?]
My fellow Americans, as I overlook this beautiful vista rains pours down outside ahem. As I accept this prestigious award I can't help thinking of the women's prison where I first honed my craft - I remember the days where Sherri, Debbie, Maisie and I would sit and.. well, that's a story for another day... cough cough Emerald City Limits cough cough I came to this challenge knowing that I would be... challenged. Actually I was challenged before I came to this... but that's a story for another day... cough cough Stirred Not Shaken cough cough As I sit here getting stoned at... you guessed it, Stonehenge, I gotta say, all thanks go out to T and C (rhymes! I'm such a POET) for creating this, the most challenging challenge in my short but evenful life... it was very challenging. (Now I spy Helena Bonham Carter with the biggest joint I've ever seen - and damned if that isn't Hugh Grant with his tongue down Colin Firth's throat - so I guess boyslash isn't just a figment of my imagination - then again I imagine many things. For example, I often imagine having a threesome with - I'm thinking of going up to Helena and giving her a line, and mabye she'll give me a toke.) My fiction, much like my life, is an endless roller-coaster of ups and downs and ups and ups and downs and downs and ups and ups and downs... urgh, I feel sick... Kids: never do drugs while on the bus. I'm just sayin'. At least carry a bag with you at all times. I wanna thank God, for inventing lesbianism - I was very bored until I met my first lesbian. I'm still bored but at least I'm a lesbian. I was thinking that lesbians end up either dead or evil, but then I remembered that CGB and Teanna promised to cover that end, so I guess I'm a good, living one. Speaking of CGB and Teanna, I can't tell you how attractive those two are... I've seen them both and goddamn! Talk about lookers! And they're smart! All Brains and beauty too! And much like Buffy in that they can kick serious ass. Buffy and Faith - yeah, that's them. But my time runs short: I need to write some sensitive lyrical ER femmeslash (Abby/Kerry) before nightfall. So can I just say, keep the girls nekkid! yours, ellen m Pee Ess to all you J/S shippers out there: phhhtttt!!! |